Vladimir Putin Series: Putin shows up for work

The news almost made me drop my Milo cereal on th floor. Russian President, Vladimir Putin was M.I.A. No, this could not be. He was just in the middle of his takeover tour! He had just kicked off his “I don’t give a rat’s ass” campaign of 2015. The world press was rife with rumors. And by world I mean western press. Some say he had died from either a stroke or heart attack. Then it became he was seriously ill. Fallen off a horse perhaps? Finally met his match whilst wrestling a tiger? Or my favorite rumor – making a short trip to Switzerland to attend to the birth of his child with a Russian gymnast. I mean it’s Putin, it could literally be anything. 

Well to add on to our ever growing list of why Putin is the most badass world leader, we take a look at events a little while ago concerning one of his political rivals, Mr. Nemstov. Opposition party leader, Nemstov, was shot dead a few days ago. He was one of the few ditches in the otherwise smooth highway like roads for Putin’s power. And he got shot. After the whole show of international outcry, Putin made it a personal mission to find the killer. *awkward silence*. 

After the outpouring of gratitude towards this kind gesture from Putin, he immediately set out to find the killers. Lo and behold, a couple of extremist Chechens were held shortly thereafter. Not a surprise though. Putin is ex-KGB. He is the guy who can find a needle in a haystack. I mean the guy doesn’t even comprehend the expression. And you dared to underestimate this man. But that still doesn’t explain where good ol’ Vladimir went. 

But guess what, it doesn’t matter because whatever game he’s playing – He won. 



Republicans really really hate Barack Obama

I am so tired of this shit

I can’t think of the last time Republicans agreed with Obama. Oh wait, they both think the ISIS militants are crazy. But that is about it. The Republicans have given Obama a hell of a time since he took office in 2008. Senator Mitch McConnell, the melting gummy bear of US politics, went so far as to say he will see to it that Obama stays a one term president. Sadly for him, he had to watch Obama take the oath again in 2013. But the question is, why do the Republicans give Obama such a hard time??

They questioned his name and place of birth. They asked is he muslim or is he christian. The poor guy had to make regular trips to a church just to prove it. The proof fell slightly short of him having to get a tattoo of Jesus on his lower back. But the place of birth. My god did they go after him with that. He had to release his original birth certificate! And morons like Donald Trump would just not let it go.

Every agenda Obama pursued was a tight battle. Unless it had something to do with profiting defense companies. But other than that, it was an all out war. There was the whole debacle with Obamacare – actually known as the Affordable Healthcare Act but Obamacare has a nice ring to it; obviously given by the Republicans. Would love to see the Iraq and Afghanistan Wars referred to as Bush Fires. Then came the issue of raising the debt ceiling. The Republicans were willing to allow the US to default on its debt and cause an economic catastrophe just to prove a point to the President.

I have also read statistics that this is the most useless Congress that America has ever had! So you can imagine my shock when in the recent Mid-Term elections, Republicans were able to win back the Senate and keep control over Congress. How fucking stupid can we be?? Well, Bush was voted for two terms so the answer is pretty fucking stupid. And now with this Iran problem. Congress decides to invite Israeli PM, Benji Netanyahu and give them a speech about their thoughts on Iran. Talk about a fucking broken record. Benji, we get it, you hate Iran. You didn’t need to come all the way to the US to remind people, again. And now, Republicans have sent an open letter to Iran, saying that whatever deal they make with the current administration will be null and void once he leaves office. Obama must be thinking “These back stabbing sons of bitches!”. But after watching Republicans hate on Obama for almost 7 years now all I can say is “You surprised son?”

 

Vladimir Putin Series: Vladimir’s 2014

Vladimir Putin. One of the most powerful men in the world. And definitely one of the most colorful characters on the world political stage. I used to be entertained by Berlusconi, ex-PM of Italy. His remarks, playfulness, charm and occasional sex scandal kept a light hearted feel to otherwise very boring EU meetings. I mean the guy demanded his ex-wife apologize for disparaging comments made about his sex life…even if they were true. And who can forget the “great tan” comment in relation to Barack Obama.

Now that he is pretty much off the scene, we were searching for someone that could really shake things up. And how he did. So lets take a look at a brief list of activities pursued by Putin over the last year. Russia hosted the Winter Olympics in Sochi. Media outlets claimed the Games cost over $50Bn and could not explain where the money went. Couple days after that there was trouble in Ukraine. The president was overthrown and Putin had to act quickly. So he decided to take the region of Crimea. This had to be one of the smoothest takeovers in history. It was the EXACT OPPOSITE of the Scramble for Africa. So he took over Crimea…there was obviously international outcry. Only the USA is allowed to invade foreign lands for no reason. How dare Russia attempt this? To give you an idea of how seamless this takeover was: Crimea was annexed, a vote was held and boom! Crimea was now part of Russia. All in all about 2 weeks was all it took. International sanctions followed. Certain assets were frozen. Putin was terribly upset, but then he got over it by arming pro-Russian rebels in Eastern Ukraine. Again, only the USA is allowed to arm rebels for the greater good i.e. Democracy.

Russia’s currency has now plummeted and with the fall in oil prices, they country is going through some serious problems. But Putin stands strong. He does not give a fuck. Seriously, I was always under the impression that North Korea’s leaders never gave a fuck. But I have come to the conclusion that Putin really doesn’t give a fuck.

The Sofa Savants Person of the Year definitely goes to Vladimir Putin.

 

Fuck TIME.

Why Is Aamir Khan Such a Pretentious Prick

Hilarious piece on Aamir Khan’s rebuttal of AIB Knockout.

Hypocrisy Series: Chapter 2 – HSBC does its job

“The grey areas indicate where the money is buried.”

So woke up to a lovely headline today on BBC that read “HSBC bank helped clients dodge millions in tax”. Now I’m shocked. Not because of what HSBC did, but because their basic job has become a headline. And this begs the question – When does tax avoidance become tax evasion? Seems like when Governments are broke.

BBC Panorama (God bless them?) recently revealed in another cheeky documentary a list of over 200,000 wealthy individuals who were assisted by HSBC to avoid paying millions in tax. HSBC Private Bank was the preferred bank of country leaders, business magnates, fugitives and drug cartels! Now I don’t know about you guys, but I was thoroughly impressed. HSBC is go-to bank for money laundering. But alas…they made that one fatal mistake…they hired a goody-two-shoes who couldn’t help but leak client names. Snowden, you bastard! Ok it wasn’t Snowden.

Now here’s the thing. Almost every private bank that serves wealthy client is usually hired for one thing: Reduce my tax burden. Of course we usually expect this from people with white money. However, if you think about it, its the people with black money that need these services the most.

Frankly HSBC, I am disappointed. You had one job. Ok you had two jobs; reduce tax burden and don’t get caught! Now where are the Mexican cartels going to go?? JP Morgan? Morgan Stanley? Citibank?? Yes, but where else? HSBC has been fined heavily since then and are now under investigation for “irregularities” in their compliance processes. However the biggest blow will hit Human Resources. They need to make sure their hire people who solemnly swear to shut the hell up. Under any circumstances.

Hypocrisy Series: Chapter 1 – To Arm or Not to Arm Ukraine

Hey Russia! Sit on this and swivel.

As the battle rages on in Ukraine (lest we forget also in Syria and Iraq – well at least until the next hostage gets executed), leaders of Germany, France and good ol’ Joe Biden have gone to negotiate a peace deal between Pro-Russian rebels and the Ukrainian Government. But alas, another lavish lunch/dinner meeting in vain. So the US is thinking about sending weapons to the Ukrainian army because Russia is sending weapons to their Pro-Russian rebels (Throwback Thursday Cold War – #tbt #coldwar #US&RussiaProblemz). The US has also sent chief weapons donator and MVP war lobbyist, Senator John McCain, to convince powers that sending weapons to Ukraine is a good idea. A gem of a quote from him –

McCain added: “The Ukrainians are being slaughtered and we’re sending them blankets and meals. Blankets don’t do well against Russian tanks.”

Unless you send them blankets infected with small pox and viruses. I’ve heard that works brilliantly.

 

Considering USA’s stellar record in sending weapons to “rebels” and assisting them with training and supplies, once again Germany’s Merkel says “Nein!”. She does not think it is a good idea. Now lets not get all emotional and consider Merkel to be a saint. Merkel and Russian President Putin go way back. In fact, Merkel is also fluent in Russian so they have many inside jokes. She is not about to give the go ahead for arming the Ukraine Government. I mean why would she? The Ukraine Government cannot afford to buy Porches, Audis, BMWs and Mercedes right now!

Ok, jokes aside, Ukraine is stuck between a rock and hard place. A lot of people there are Pro-Russia whilst a considerable amount of people are pro…well Ukrainian. Now the US can’t stand a situation where Russia increases its land size by such a considerable amount without sending in troops officially. The last time the US tried to do it, everybody got really upset and blamed them for wanting more oil etc etc. What do the Russians want??

Greece’s Syriza Party says “Nein!”

Alexis Tsipras posing with job applicants

Fresh from winning the elections in an economically battered Greece, new Prime Minister Alexis Tsipras (AT), has vowed to pull his people out of the depths of crippling austerity. And how does he plan to do that? Funny you should ask. So the Greece Finance Minister, Yanis Varoufakis, has refused to work with the troika international lending partners (European Commision, ECB and IMF). He claims that the country has rejected the idea of extending the bailout program. So to bring you up to speed, Greece has borrowed over $240 BN from the IMF and ECB to shore up its banks and other institutions to make up for their ability to not pay their debts on time. At one point in time, Greece practically paid their federal workers with borrowed money. Oh wait, they are still doing that.  Pensions and benefits outstripped productivity. They borrowed huge amounts of money to host the Olympics in 2004 and frankly haven’t been able to recover since then!

So back to AT and his plans to bring Greece back from the brink. Greece and Spain (FC Barca for the win!) are currently battling it out for top dog in unemployment in the developed world with both countries in and around 25%. Am going to let that number sink in. A QUARTER of the working population are currently out of work. So the real question is, how the hell are Greece going to pay their debts back when 25% of the working population don’t have jobs?? Germany’s response – “Cut spending and become more efficient. Like us.” Chancellor of Germany, Angela Merkel has been quoted saying “Nein!” in various languages when asked if she will forgive Greek debt. This is a high level thug life moment.

But look, jokes aside, Greece is going through a torrid time. But I’m sure it is still a great place to visit. Hell I think they really need us to visit. Just don’t bother going to any of the olympic venues. Just like 25% of the population, the venues are out of order!

Here is a link to see some pictures of the current condition of olympic venues in Athens.

http://www.theguardian.com/sport/gallery/2014/aug/13/abandoned-athens-olympic-2004-venues-10-years-on-in-pictures

 

Shocking News: Iran Nuclear Deadline Missed…again

In very unexpected news, Iran and world powers have missed the negotiations deadline…again. In foreign policy that mostly keeps the US Secretary of State busy, Iran has been negotiating with world powers on easing sanctions that have pretty much crippled their economy. As Iran looks to become another country to harness nuclear power and weapons, the West has been steadfast in their ambition to deny Iran that privilege. Iran claims to use nuclear power purely for civilian purposes but then you have an ex-president that makes comments like they want to “wipe Israel off the face of the Earth” and played host to a holocaust denial seminar. Israel’s reaction to all this can be summed up in one expression, .

Now these talks have been going on for sometime. Last year, the US and Europe eased sanctions to allow frozen payments for oil to go through – much-needed relief for Iran’s economy. In return, Iran had to slow their nuclear program and become more transparent. And from these talks the only thing we can conclude is that they have chosen to do neither. And sadly, the acidic rhetoric seems to have calmed down. We are really missing the good ol days of name calling like “Great Satan” and “Axis of Evil”. Israel have of course continued to claim that they will use force to destroy any of Iran’s nuclear weapons ambitions which includes bombing facilities if need be. Somehow I just don’t see that going very well.

 

Poor John Kerry definitely has his hands full.

Thai PM confuses reporter for a Golden Retriever

Fresh from leading a military coup in May, Thai PM, Prayuth Chan-Ocha, gave a press conference in which he was asked if he was worried about the recents protests and acts of defiance. His response was something along the lines of how comfortable he was surrounded by journalists and then proceeded to literally pet one of the journalists kneeled in front of him to get out of the view of cameras. He gently stroked his head and tugged on his ear to the tune of laughter of his associates. Considering he recently led a coup against the previous Government and has imposed an “indefinite” martial law, this was probably not the best time to patronize any journalists. And as you can imagine, the Thai people are thrilled! Now this is a former general so we can’t expect him to act very prime ministerial at all times (Indian PM Modi seems to have really mastered this) but let’s at least not pet people in public no matter how “safe” you feel around them.

To read more on this topic: http://www.bbc.com/news/blogs-trending-30133517

“There’s a good boy…you like that don’t you…”